Be prepared with accurate information about Warning Signs and other tools available from our website.This is about everyone getting support and help so that the children and the family experience the least amount of trauma and stress as possible. Be specific and factual but try (as hard as it can be) to stay calm and neutral.
Do not “accuse” her husband of anything – rather, describe your observations.Focus on your shared love and commitment for your granddaughter.
Are you able to bring up your observations with her? I would be curious to know whether she has concerns that she hasn’t known how to bring up. Ideally, bringing up these concerns with your daughter would be the next immediate step. There are some steps to consider as you think about involving the police. I hope for the very best for you and your family.You are right – it is crucial to take action and yes, there will most likely be some difficult conversations and situations afterward. I hope this information is helpful and certainly invite you to contact us back with any additional questions or concerns. Please see the following resources for further guidance in setting up safe environments. For example, if you have a family rule that prohibits adults from being a child’s room with the door closed and that rule is broken, you can respond more clearly about the broken rule. Identifying healthy and appropriate interactions that are expected for all adults involved with children in your life can help you feel more secure in identifying potential problems. This would be a good time to also strengthen your safety plan and family guidelines about safe behavior between children and adults. Our guidebook, “ Let’s Talk” may help you with raising this concern in a non-confrontational manner. Have you asked your husband about his behavior? Would it be possible to do this in counseling together? It’s important that this concern is shared so that there are no secrets and that accountability is shared with among all adults involved in your grandchildren’s lives. Have you noticed any new behaviors or moods in here that are different? Is she able to talk with you or another safe adult if she is worried about anything? You may want to look this article published by the Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network ( “ Talking to your child if you suspect that they are being sexually abused ” for some helpful tips on how to raise concerns in a supportive way. Observing and Responding to Children’s Warning SignsĪnother place to explore for you is whether your granddaughter is showing any warning signs of possible abuse. While viewing pornography is not necessarily a precursor to sexually abusing a child, given that you’ve shared your husband is in treatment for this, I am assuming that his pornography viewing is problematic, and therefore may also be considered a warning sign. Please review Behaviors to Watch for When Adults Are With Children and Signs That an Adult May Be At-Risk to Harm a Child to help you think about your observations and whether there may be other potential signs worth noting. One warning sign does not always mean that a child is at-risk, instead it's important to notice whether there are patterns or repetition, and whether there are additional signs.
Your husband’s behavior could indeed be a warning sign that a child is at-risk. Thank you for taking that difficult step in questioning a loved one's behavior in order to protect a child.